NellaElla

Another rant. Read if you wish. 

This time I'm complaining about people shrugging me off as being the older sister. 

Let me say it plainly. 

Two minutes are not nothing. 

I can't tell you how many times I've been told otherwise. 

As a twin, I've grown up being compared to my sister my whole life. This is normal for siblings as far as I know. However different as we may be, we're still compared by everyone we meet, including our own friends and family. 

I am the older sister by two minutes, and that's a fact. You cannot say I'm not the older sister. 

However, everyone I have met has said that those two minutes mean nothing, and that it's such a small difference in age that it doesn't really matter. Just because we're two minutes apart, doesn't mean I have any power over my sister. Just because I was born 120 seconds before her, doesn't mean I know what's best for her. 

In fact, it apparently means nothing.

And you know what? They're right. I don't have power over her. I don't know what's best for her. I can hardly help her with homework because she won't listen to me. 

No, they don't. They don't give me any of those things. 

They give me something even more important.

Those two minutes give me responsibility over someone else's life. They give me a reason to move forward and not mope around forever. They give me a reason to keep writing. They give me a reason to feel human. Like I have everything to lose and that means I need to do my very best, no matter what. 

Those two minutes give me a little sister to care for and love and look out for. Sure, things would be a lot less chaotic without her, but what's the fun in that? What's the point in living if you don't have anyone to live for? 

Not only that, but those two minutes are everything for my sister, too, even if she doesn't realize it. 

Those two minutes give her someone she can always go to. They give her someone that will actually slap someone else for her, regardless of consequences. They give her someone who will never let her down. They give her a pair of ears that she can speak to, and will actually listen to her. They give her a pair of arms to find solace in when things get bad. They give her someone who is undying loyal to her, no matter what. They give her a best friend for life. They give her someone who will stand up for her, even if it's pretty clear she did something wrong. They give her someone who will stay up playing a music box for her for ten minutes without tiring so that she won't cry herself to sleep on a rough night. They give her someone that will love her unconditionally, through thick and thin, no matter what happens to her. 

A few summers ago, I had the only panic attack I've ever had. I was at summer camp, across the state, four hours away from home. 

I didn't freak out because my dorm mates were fighting.

I didn't freak out because of the storm outside.

I didn't freak out because no one was talking to me. 

You wanna know why I freaked out and started sobbing at midnight and couldn't sleep until two hours later?

I was worried about my little sister. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen to her while I was away. I couldn't stop thinking about her bursting into tears and not having anyone to go to. 

She can always come to me for anything. Anything at all. I may not agree with it, but I'll try to accept it, because two minutes separate us and make me older and give me responsibility over another's life, and I won't let that be irrelevant. 

You may not think so, but I do. 

I am her older sister. I would do anything for her.

Don't tell me two minutes mean nothing,

When they are absolutely everything.

Stolen from RandomStuffArtist 

I promise next time I'll post a story.

ONE- Spell your name without vowels: nll 

TWO- Are you single: nope

THREE- What’s your favorite number?: 2

FOUR- What color do you wear most?: pink

FIVE- Least favorite color?: i don't like grey but i'll wear it

SIX- Favorite candy?: anything chocolate

SEVEN- What do you smoke?: memes 

EIGHT- Are you happy with your life right now?: yes!!

NINE- Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: no 

TEN- What is your favorite class in school?: I love my math and bio and foreign language classes! 

ELEVEN- Do you shop at Hollister/DC/Bluenotes?: I've heard of Hollister, but what are the other two?

TWELVE- How do you make money?: chores. 

THIRTEEN- Who is your best friend?: These two guys named Francis and Anakin

FOURTEEN- Where do you go to school?: somewhere

FIFTEEN- Are you outgoing?: I can be??

SIXTEEN- One word to describe you?: tired

SEVENTEEN- Favorite pair of shoes?: these amazing black flats

EIGHTEEN- Do you own big sunglasses?: nope

NINETEEN- Where do you wish you were right now?: I'd love to be with my gf aha (no, not in the shower, love, shut up)

TWENTY- What should you be doing right now?: studying for my german quiz tomorrow

TWENTY ONE- Do you have a crush on anyone right now?: only fan crushes

HONEST SECTION:
Honestly, what's on your mind right now?: how much of brat I used to be
Honestly, what are you doing right now?: this
Honestly, have you done something bad today?: yes
Honestly, do you watch Disney Channel?: nope
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: mother
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: yes
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: people
Honestly, do you bite your nails?: nope
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: yess
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?: yes
Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?: nope

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?: no
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: no
Can you whistle?: yes
Can you wiggle your ears?: no
Can you wiggle your nose?: no
Can you roll your tongue?: no
Can you make a clover with your tongue?: no

ANGER SECTION:
What do you do when you're mad?: fume alone
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: I shoved my sister down the stairs (to which she closed a car door on my head)
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: yes and i still feel horrible about it

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out ?: yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: yes
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yes 
Ever cried over the same sex?: yes
Do you cry when you get an injury?: yes
Do certain songs make you cry?: yes
Do certain movies make you cry?: i don't watch movies much but yes
Ever cried from reading a book?: yes
(oops i'm a crybaby)

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you usually a happy person?: yes
What makes you the happiest?: talking to people and knowing they care about me
Does being with your friends make you happy?: yes!
Do you believe in yourself?: yes
Do you wish you were happier?: yes
Is being happy overrated?: no!
Can music make you happy?: yes

LOVE SECTION:
How many times have you had your heart broken?: none. I break their hearts.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: yes
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'I love you'?: my friends used to say it awhile ago but other than my gf no

HATE SECTION:
Do you actually hate anyone?: no
Have you ever been on a hit list?: I don't know what that is.
Are you a mean bully?: the very worst
Do you hate George Bush?: No. I don't know why so many people do.

SELF ESTEEM SECTION:
Is your self-esteem extremely low?: I believe in myself, but i don't have the courage to show it
Do you think you're good looking?: I think i'm decently attractive
Do you wish you could be someone else?: Nope! 

LOOK AT ME:
What is your current hair colour?: brown
What is your eye colour?: brown
What is your skin tone?: white
Current piercings?: nope
Have any tattoos?: nope
Straight hair or curly?: in the middle-grounds

CURRENTLY WEARING:
What shirt are you wearing?: pjs

HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone?: yes
Been on the phone until the sun came up?: yes
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: admittedly, yes.
Laughed so hard you cried?: yes
Got in a fight with someone?: yes

THE LAST:
Person you talked to in person?: sister
Person you talked to online?: gf
Person you hugged?: sister

RANDOM:
Do you like surveys?: I don't mind them
Do you get along with your parents?: yes
Do you have mental breakdowns?: I try not to, but not really. I've only broken down once

CURRENT:
Current mood: "i need to stop being so dramatic geez me"
Current music: Cowboy Casanova - Carrie Underwood
Current hair style: down
Current crush: none
Current thing I ought to be doing: studying and writing(however anime is much more important)
Current windows open: 8
Current desktop picture: some amazing fanart of an OC RandomStuffArtist did for me~

THE DIDS:
Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?: no
Did you ever run away from home?: no
Did you ever want to be a doctor?: for a day yes

THE DO'S:
Do you know how to swim?: yes
Do you like roller coasters?: I'm too squeamish 
Do you own a bike?: nope. i wish i did
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: no

THE DOES:
Does hair loss run in your family at all?: no?
Does your car get good gas mileage?: no
Does your family have family picnics?: we used to years ago
 
THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: yes
Have you ever painted your nails?: plenty of times

THE HOWS:
How tall are you?: over 5 ft i think
How much money do you have on you right now?: you don't need to know lol

THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?: sister
Last thing someone said to you?: Tschuess!! (look it up if you're interested)
Last thing you said out loud?: shit

THE WHATS:
What are you listening to?: Zero - Varsity Fanclub 
What is the weather outside?: it's kinda cold
What radio station do you listen to?: 96.7 
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: some BBQ place
What was the last thing you had to drink?: water
What was the last movie you watched?: Dr Strange

No, this isn't a meme. Yes, this is another of my magical philosophical journals. No, there isn't a tl;dr. If you're not interested, move along. I just feel an urge to write this down, so i'm going to do so before I crawl back under my rock of uncertainty and social awkwardness. Oh, and opinions. Lots and lots of them. Please don't get angry at me for them.




Still here?

Great. 

So, let's get right to the point...

Am I the only one who legitimately thinks that they're not ugly, but are too afraid to ever say so because then people will think they're being egotistic?

Did that make sense?

I mean, I don't know why, but unlike everyone else my age, I actually see myself as half-decent. Not amazingly beautiful, but not too ugly to ever get noticed. I'm just kinda...there.

And no, it's not like I get tons of attention for my physical looks. My hair is literally the color of shit. I'm not even kidding, it's the same color. It's constantly in a ponytail and neglected, and it's unevenly cut because I pull my hair out when I try to focus and can't. My face is scabby and my cheeks are both different shades of red from acne. I'm far too pale, I never blush, and my eyes are so bugged out it freaks people out when they see them. I'm shorter than most of my friends, and my upper body isn't proportionate to my lower body. I only ever wear T-shirts and black leggings, and I refuse to untie my jacket from around my waist. You can probably guess why.

And yet, I can look at myself in a mirror in the morning and think, "Wow, I look horrible... Oh well. Lol, who cares? I look fine."

I'm not an egotist. I'm too humble and modest for that. 

But I'm afraid to say I think I'm pretty in front of other people. Would they think I'm full of myself? Would they take me seriously when I tell them I think they're pretty? What would they do I said I think I'm pretty? I don't know. I'm too afraid to try it.

One day I'll have the confidence for it. But that day is not today, nor is it any time soon. 

Thank you for reading my rant. Bye~

Stolen from someone or other

1) What's their name?
Ember <3

3) Do you get along with this person all the time?
We argue all the time, but we always make up! It's probably because I can't go two minutes without apologizing for something lol

4) How old is the person?
old enough

5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
No but I bet if she tried it'd taste good!

6) Is this person the same age as you?
Not right now, but soon enough!

7) Have you ever kissed this person?
Yeah! Not on the lips, but I've kissed her cheek before!

8.) Have you ever laughed for longer than 2 minutes?
All the time when she links me to things on tumblr

10) Are you really close to him/her?
Yea! There are some thing she knows that not even my sibling knows!

11) Nicknames?
um I call her Japan a lot and love and scinnamon roll and that's about it aha 

12) Do they have a nickname for you?
She calls me America sometimes and other things aha

13) Have you and this person been outside the country?
I've been outside of the country a lot but not with her... one day i'll take her to Canada

14) Do you think they will repost this?
lmao maybe

15) Could you live with this person?
As long as she shares the salmon it's all good dude

16) Why did you pick this person?
She helped me through a dark time when I didn't have anyone to, and she was like a breath of fresh air from everyone else because of the way she acted and was so nice to me and didn't judge me and I could actually talk to her without being told my opinion was wrong
Also as a bonus she's hot damn

17) How long have you known this person?
Like a year now! It feels like it's been much longer, though...

18) What's your favourite thing to do with this person?
Everything! But I guess I just love talking to her. It reminds me of when we met :3

19) Can you name one favorite memory with this person?
I remember in gym once we were talking and this guy was running after his ball that had rolled towards us and she kicked it back to him and it hit him in the nuts and I was just laughing at how extremely badass she was.

20) Have you ever joint bought something?
Um no I don't think so...maybe in the future I'll ask her for an extra dollar to buy something but idk

21) If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
Yes I can't live without her

22) Have you ever written a song with this person?
Once lol
and a poem
and a story
that i never finished whoops

23) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
Yes

24) How many piercings does this person have?
None I think??

25) Would you date this person's siblings?
Um no thanks

26) Have you ever made something with this person?
We made sexual innuendos an hour everyday for weeks on end does that count
oh and we made this crack AU that is completely lost to us lol

27) Have you ever cried with this person?
I've teared up and sniffled but never cried because that would break her heart omg-

28)Have you and this person ever got into a fight?
Nothing serious aha we just argue sometimes

29) Have you gone skinny dipping with this person?
Nope but we have gone swimming together

30) Write something only they will understand.
Feed me memes, Ember.

31) What's something special you share?
We're too afraid to fight and we almost always apologize for everything so most complications are avoided and I'm glad for that!

32) What's the nicest thing they've ever given you?
This one compliment that completely caught me off guard but now I can't help but blush whenever I think about it aaa

33) Have you ever worn this person's clothes?
Um I don't think so...

34) What's this person's favorite food?
Salmon. She loves salmon. She lives for it.

35) If it was "freaky friday" would you switch bodies with this person?
Yeah! I don't know why she'd want my body tho lmao

36) Have you ever heard this person sing?
Yes she's amazing!!

37) Do you and this person frequently get drunk?
No aha

38) Have you ever stolen anything from this person?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

39) Have you ever gone dancing with this person?
Nah she doesn't like parties and I don't feel like embarrassing her lol

40) If this person were a colour, what would they be?
She'd be grey or royal blue!!

41) Whens the next time you will see this person?
Over our next call if I can work up the courage to show my scabby face. But in real life, I'm not sure...

42) Does this person have brothers and/or sisters?
Nah

43) If you could spend a day anywhere in the world with this person, where would you go?
Maybe Japan or some eastern countries where you don't melt every time it gets warm dammit

44) What are you looking forward to be doing with this person?
I want to talk to her more!

45) What makes this person feel happy?
Sexual innuendos and memes
And when I compliment her and have some confidence lol

46) Do you and this person talk a lot?
Yeah! In the mornings and afternoons and all day sometimes on weekends!

47) Can you describe this person in one word?
Weeaboo

48) If you were to make a film of this person's life, what would you call it?
"Ember's Life as an Anime"

49) Do you want to go out with this person?
Yes please

50) Do you want to be friends with them forever?
Yeah!

51) What are your names?
Ember and Nell!

52) How old are you guys?
Old enough lol

53) Cool! What are your favorite colors?
I like pink and she likes blue!

54) What's your song?
We have too many to list aha
they're all vocaloid and hetaloid

55) What is your movie?
I don't really like movies so idk

56) What is an accessory you both wear all the time?
We both always wear glasses!

57) How long have you been together?
Five months! We're close to six months <3

58) What are your favorite animals?
I love anything that swims and she doesn't really have a favorite aha

59) Okkkkk, What are your hobbies?
We meme

60) Do you own any pets together?
Um she has two dogs and I have two hermit crabs

61) What's your favorite books?
Does fan fiction count?

62) Favorite bands?
What bands

63) Are you in love?
Head-over-heels

64) Where was your first kiss?
Hm we have yet to kiss on the lips but one day!

65) How do you hold hands? Entwined fingers or non?
We don't care aha

66) Anything unique about your relationship?
We're weebs and we know it

67) Can you guys sing?
YeS SHE CAN SING HIGHER THAN I CAN AND I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK CHOIR FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS-
um but yeah she can and she sounds amazing aaaa
and then there's me who can also sing but doesn't really sing much anymore aha
but we sound amazing together aha

68) Dance?
We'd dance like awkward white people in the corner so no thank you

There's no question 69

Tagged by MisunoHanasaki (thank you again for the CORE membership!)
(and sorry it took so long to do this)

Name: Just call me Nell!
Nickname: (too many to say them all) Nellisaur, Romepig, and a couple others OvO
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Single or Taken: Taken!

Favorite

Anime: Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Movie: Don't watch movies that much
Video game: I love MC and Stardew Valley!
RPG Games:  I can't get over Fraternal Bond aaaa
Places to go: Anywhere outside where I can see the stars! 
Youtuber: don't really watch youtube that much, but when I do, I normally watch some Jacksepticeye or Markiplier.

Can you?

Speak other Languages: Fluent in English, learning German and American sign language, and bits and pieces of other languages(like most of people)
Do a hand stand: Yeah! Won't last long, but I can do it!
Do a quote from an anime: "Remember, always, someone somewhere is fighting for you. As long as you remember her, you are not alone."
Roleplay: I do all the time! Not guaranteeing I'll be in character tho

Tagging: RandomStuffArtist zothiel TheInkArcher 
Have fun~!